For 26 years my mother worked for the State Department as a consular officer in the Foreign Service, interviewing visa applicants, quickly determining whether they were lying about their plans, whether they would stay illegally.

“When you talk to several hundred people a day, you get good,” she said. “It becomes second nature.” She has won awards for her work, and she thought I should listen to her judgments of my romantic partners.

Instead, I became irate.