Brittany has her own doll of herself! I wonder if she reserves it for occasions when she falsely accuses adults of touching her, or if she has it just for funsies.

I always mute the tv whenever Rachel has a solo.

Check out the abs on Mike “Other Asian” Chang!

Cheyenne Jackson is always welcome on my tv, espesh. when he’s storming off screen wearing a miniature Hello Kitty backpack.

Sunshine Corazon! The Botox paid off, as you looked like you were 12. The wardrobe department dressed you like a poorer, Filipina knockoff of Rachel, which I think was kind of the point.

One day, my people will get to dress awesomely on American TV. But until then, my brother and I are just IM’ing about how your oh-so-Filipino name could have been so much worse. We came up with:

• Lovely Beyonce Dominguez
• Creamy Britney-Spears Carreras
• Pretty Cherry Dolorosa
• Happy Peachy Pempengco
• Dopey Kumquat Yap
• Agua Dulce Arroyo
• Beauty y la Bautista
• Marie Serena Apple Pie Nepomuceno