5. Texas: Oh, you Austinites. So goddamn pleased with yourselves. Ooh, loogit us! We have indie movies and indie music and indie food carts and indie pencils! You know what? I don’t like indie things. I don’t like Animal Collective. I saw Half Nelson, and it was a piece of shit. I like movies and songs that look and sound like they cost more than four dollars to make. And if they come hipster-free, then all the better. You people are the fucking Williamsburg of Texas, and that isn’t a compliment. Though I do like that Sam Acho. It’s like his last name is a suffix for all good Latino things: macho, nacho, muchacho, Comacho, borracho… Great name. But you are still ASS.

I don’t follow college football but that hasn’t stopped me from enjoying the shit out of this Deadspin piece. Thanks for sharing, Mike!